Why is it that we think our timing is always so much better than God’s? We sometimes get glimpses into our future, through whispers of His voice or words of affirmation from others. Because we get a tiny glimpse, we think we can fill in the missing gaps on our own. We think that God will move according to our watch instead of His.
After seeing Mr. Little’s photo for the very first time on MySpace, and hearing from God that he would one day be my husband, it made me jump the gun once things started to roll into motion. After seeing his photo, absolutely nothing happened. He was dating someone else and I tucked the thought of him away. - Fast forward a year or so. -
One evening I received a message from theatarisdude, Mr. Little, on AOL Instant Messenger. It said something super simple like, “Hey.” But that was all I needed to trigger one of those classic moments that every girl has at some point in her life, the kind that usually involves lots of jumping up and down, dancing, and high pitched squeals of excitement. That was the start of our friendship.
Over the next year, our simple conversations turned into something more elaborate. They went from about a once a week event, to an every day occasion. They usually weren’t long due to the 3 hour time difference, as Mr. Little lived in California and I was in Indiana, but I cherished each conversation we had. I was starting to really like Mr. Little and I came to the conclusion that we had to meet.
It was my Jr. Year in College and I had a month-long Christmas break, so I decided to make the most of it. I was already going to Colorado to visit my dad, and it was on my bucket list to take a train across the country and through the mountains. Why not cross that off my bucket list, and take the train from Colorado to California to go meet the man of my dreams? Looking back on it, and to save any other hopeless romantics, the train is by far the worst mode of transportation when you want to make a good first impression! An 18 hour journey turned into a 36 ride. The food was terrible and all of the toilets had malfunctioned, not to mention the air conditioner and heater made you feel like a women going through menopause. By the time I got to California, I was dirty, sweaty, my hair was matted and greasy, I was tired, and the stagnant aroma of the train probably lingered wherever I went.
Once I arrived at the Davis Train Station, Mr. Little was waiting and my nerves got the best of me. I was so excited, yet so nervous that I wanted to puke. I was in California for about a week and during that time, he asked if I would be his girlfriend. The whole time I kept thinking, God are you right? Is this man really going to be my husband one day? However, I think the pressure of knowing that revelation created a lot of fear and anxiety in my heart. I felt like I had to make it happen.
After my week on the West Coast, I went home to my tiny dorm in Indiana. I was in season of life that was full of transition. After having a crazy encounter with the Holy Spirit, I decided I needed a radical life change. I dropped out of my previous college in Chicago, changed my major, and transferred schools. I was on a journey to figure out what I believed and who I was. I learned that being in a relationship with someone is difficult when you don’t know who you are and this added more pressure to my transition.
As a long distance couple, our entire relationship revolved around communication. With opposite schedules, the time change became difficult and our conversations only reached a surface level. We never went deep. I was afraid that if I showed Mr. Little my true colors, if I talked about my beliefs, or if I let him get to know me - the passionate, outspoken me - the one with a witty sense of humor, who’s not afraid to speak her mind - that he would see who I was and realize he made a huge mistake when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
If we had conversations that were maybe red flags, I avoided the confrontation due to fear. Because I was certain that God told me he would one day be my husband, I wanted to do whatever was in my power to not screw it up. I was afraid that if Mr. Little got to know the real me, that the word I heard from the Lord would no longer be true. I wanted to believe in love. I wanted to believe that God had the best for me. However, deep down I was terrified of getting hurt, which as a result is exactly what happened.
Six months into our long-distance relationship, I got the infamous text message, “We need to talk.” Immediately I knew what those four little words meant, but I tried to stay positive. When I had a chance to give Mr. Little a call, he told me that he was no longer happy. He thought it would be best if we no longer dated and we broke up. I was crushed and heartbroken.
To this day, this was probably one of the biggest lessons I have learned about God’s timing. The whole time we dated during round 1, I was certain it was going to work, mostly because I wanted it to work. I didn’t want to let God do His thing. I thought it was my way or the highway. If it didn’t happen when I thought it should, then it wasn’t going to happen at all.
Looking back on our entire story, without a doubt I know His timing is perfect. There was a tremendous amount of growth that we both needed to do on our own and our marriage is way stronger now because of it. As a person that is a constant planner, who likes to make order out of life, it’s sometimes hard to let go of control. When I come across situations where I have no idea what is happening and my life doesn’t make sense, I hold onto the testimonies I have from the past, proof that God’s timing is absolutely perfect.
I encourage you today to let go of control and trust that He’s a better time keeper, even better than one with an Apple Watch. It’s not always easy, but when we let Him, He’s the perfect orchestrator and He never misses a beat!